Bargain Attick

so your driving down the road. it's diverse with fog. you flicker your lights from high to low, in search of a clearer future. the fog is dense, without blemish. at last there is a clearing about fifty feet long. you enter. there is a deer near the end of the fog-clearing, ready to cross the road. as you approach the deer seems confused, naturally you slow your speed. the deer darts across the road, leaving you to swerve to barely miss it.
the passenger in your car is a vigilante of sorts. he has no time for sore games. at first glance of the menace he darts for the power window switch. the power is not strong enough, the window recedes into the door TOO SLOWLY! he climbs onto the window like some sort of circus monkey. at last it is withdrawn. the deer is near, he leans out the window with one arm on the door handle and one hand waving in the air like a flag at a car dealership. as the deer is in sight the passenger lines up his hand for the kill. at last, contact has been made, the man smacked the deer right across the face with no sign of remorse... only to speed off in his car with three simple words, "Don't Be Stupid."

the life of an OCD ridden, nympho maniac.
i lied i have no idea what nympho maniac means.

1. hey, your in a clean room... there's a cardboard box spread out on the floor... nothing around it... you HAVE TO STAND ON IT. or your life will NOT progress..

2. you just scratched your right eye... no, you have to make them EQUAL! SCRATCH THE LLLLLEEEFFFFTT ONE TOO!

3. un-cracked fingers? not if I can help it. (or know there is a possibility that they can be cracked)

4. "iunno" is not a word. please type it out, "I don't know."

5. try leaving a tiny keyboard in the middle of MY floor for a week,... and SEE if it doesn't have the perfectly sized spot somewhere in my room by the end of it.

6. no matter how full, dishwashers should pretty much always be running, whether full of dishes or not. and if the dishwasher has been running for so long that it will not completely clean the recently dirtied dish in your hand, then you have to wash it by hand and put it away... a clean kitchen is a healthy kitchen.

7. i would be the best person to lay tile in someone's shower... everyone i see is not completely square to the parallel tile... it drives me nuts.

8. if im at a friends house and im staying there for a while... may the records show that there will be NO dirty dishes in that sink by the time i leave.

9. being a hard worker and a perfectionist... every person i've ever done house work or extracuricular work for is ALWAYS happy to be a very good reference for future employment.

10. physically, i can not bring myself to let my toe-, or finger-nails grow long... its un natural.

11. shovelling snow takes twice as long for me... i'll just leave it at that... all corners must be completely square, 90 degree angles.

12. i dont know how to spell attic... atic... attick... atick...

13. i used to say ever word with an "uh" sound at the end of it. while counting down to myself i'd say. " three, two, one, UH." as if the UH meant zero or something... its bazarre i know...

14. there's no way in hell im ever going to just toss my socks aimlessly into a sock droor... no, they need to be FOLDED.

15. lately my OCD has bee getting worst... i can't keep text messages... i always delete them after i get 'um... i can't stand a full message box.

16. you know the "Recycling Box" on the desktop of the computer? if i delete a picture or something i automatically go and "Empty Recycling." not because im affraid of being followed... but because i don't like it taking up space. same with adds on facebook where they have the little "X" to close them, i always do. same with "people you may know" on facebook. mine is always empty, i cant stand it... if your confused talk to me in person and ill show you...

17. i will sit completely still for dozens of minutes. and when i do, i wait. i feel a tingly feeling on my leg and i think "HEY, ITS A BUG!" so i investigate... turns out its just my hair... i really really hate leg hair.

18. i lay awake at night listening for mosquitoes... and when i hear one i dont sleep till it's dead. if im too sleepy to care, i'll spray bug spray all over myself before beg, all over the walls, and DEFINATELY around the threshold of my room.

19. i like to say "you bet your sweet bippy."

20. perfect hair is an understatement... the world would be a better place if hair was non-existant.