OK so you know how air conditioning makes you not hot?
well do i have a fact for you:
legs don't need air conditioning! :O
you have like no feeling in your legs! that is why most war veterans lose their legs in combat, because they simply don't notice!
and it is also a proven fact that stoners like to wear shorts. because they stand out in the cold so much you would think they wear jeans or at least some spandex, but nope. they wear shorts because they have no feelings
do you (the listener) ever buy things of products out of a vending machine?
or maybe play a simple arcade game!
isn't there just the biggest deal of suspense ever!
at the vending machines at my school there is NO certainty that you will actually receive the product you have purchased.
that is indefinitely because of the total URBAN quality of our vendor's.
THE CANDY ALWAYS GETS STUCK!
i have conducted recent experiments...
i have tested the dispensing characteristics of THREE different candies over the course of a month. sure this is a costly venture... but it was worth it for my viewers :')
these are tham:
skittles (original flavors)
fun dip (also original)
sour cherry blasters (good kind)
...
fun dip was. . . the only one that got stuck throughout the course of the month... so...
if you want to buy fun dip... GO TO A TUCK SHOP!
remember when the tuck shop at a baseball game was the only place you could get candy with the money you took from your moms wallet, because parents didn't believe candy was good for you?
maybe it's just me :S
Future Ideas:
make healthy candy
re-invent the wheel
that is all
oh my way, no my goodness, oh my goodness, no way
would it suck if you were a super hero and your arch enemy is a family member?
it would be ok if it was in your extended family... or a cousin...
but what if it was your mom... or a close uncle?!
it would be so awkward on Christmas! cus you'd be poisoning each others food... and then your evil-uncle's wife takes a bite of his potatoes (no pun intended) and she suddenly dies!
then your mom found out it was you and you get spanked (age of super hero may vary)
isn't it totally true that you can tell a lot about people by what their favorite color is?
if they like yellow that means they are happy... and they probably had a good childhood.
if they like blue then they are weird and should be shunned from most groups of people due to clashing apparel
if they like green they are not from the city and could probably lift you, and your grandma. at the same time
if they like Grey they are most certainly boring and have a lot of secret friends in Africa
if they like brown then.. well..
if they like white they are lame and should be forced into a time machine to early Egypt to be enslaved by the Inca's
and finally, if they like black they are cool and should be friends with everyone, as well as given gifts wherever they walk (otherwise they will turn emo
there are a lot of bad bathrooms I've been in...
kelly's in simcoe
blockbuster in simcoe
swiss chalet in simcoe...
A&P in simcoe (eww)
but there are NONE that will EVER match up to the bathroom in the Fortino's in Burlington! OH MY GOODNESS!
that is just the lowest of lows.
I'm pretty sure i visited the day before the weekly cleaning of that Zest Pit!
put your hand up if you hate food that makes your face itch!
for me the dirty vicsons include:
bananas (my lip)
lasagna (jaw bone)
cherry, plum, peach, grapes, and pineapple (my throat)
peanuts (nothing, i just don't like them at all)
T_T "git the tropical feelings"
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Brush-Foot, Bleed-Groap
what would it be like to be the first human MAN to straighten his hair...
do you think his girlfriend made him do it? or did it to him somehow...?
was he made fun of by the other guys in his school?
was he freaked out about how his hair floating everywhere?
do you think he was maybe a druggy and was high on crack (pills) at the time so he didn't notice?
would it suck to be Keith Moon's Hi-Hat symbol?
WRONG!
he didn't use a hi-hat symbol you fools!
but it would suck to be him clash :S
always breaking, and flimsy-ing around the place :S
forget it, it's not worth it.
i got so much for this holiday season!
mostly jones soda... actually mostly jones soda. like a lot of jones flippin soda! and t-shirts :)
you know those Wind-A-Flashlights?
the ones you got in your stocking on Christmas (no... Halloween)
those are awesome, i have about three because Regal kept coming out with new models.. .so im proud to say i am a loving owner of all three models... because they went out of business three years after this thrifty invention.
"doing a gay assignment in the gay class called: this one! in the believable deliberance of animal meth and candy necklaces due to a fricken blob of profile paper flamboyant mates and a Jew full of dogs which charges the admission truck of $doo, considerate the watches clock that David killed his pet mink and foiled the potatoe salads in the dining room. not the bedroom which is where his parents: mother, father, and god, decided he would be better off as a homosexual, not that i just said "Hay, Betches! i want to find about 90 handsome, attractive young boys to help me decorate my apartment"...
this person was shot many repeated times with a mini gun, then after the study of gawd zilla was determined, the sounds of the wintry north was implemented as the most psychedelic experience of the 1970's, even more so then the Jimi Hendrix recorder: Purple Side Of The Hazy Wall. founded in 1970's The Purple Side Of The Hazy Wall, the record won pretty much no awards, except the 1971 music's most stupid award of the century, Jimi Hendrix ended his life instead of going to the presentation of the award. instead he stayed in his flat in waterfordloodown and over-indulged himself in shag-power's most famous actor: Goldbender. Jimi ended his life at first sight of the fat gay. Jimi's favorite activities included: drugs, alcoholics, building desks, playing banjo, eating crepes, texting oldsterly guys, snorting plum seeds, binder weaving, and smashing his grandma's fruits on the back porch-railing. escape is the most timely death defying miller with day cooper blah blah.
this class is boring due to the fact that this class SUCKS and i want to go make out with a goat named Franklin in Scotland, Wordsdale. but he has been throwing up a lot lately, and is crying excessively due to the twat named Ryan that is sitting in front. this is my greatest creation. when i go to college to be an insurance broker i am going to hang it on the wall as an inspiration... Joel in grade 11 history class... prooooobably instead of a very important note that Mr. Johnson gave us...
do you think his girlfriend made him do it? or did it to him somehow...?
was he made fun of by the other guys in his school?
was he freaked out about how his hair floating everywhere?
do you think he was maybe a druggy and was high on crack (pills) at the time so he didn't notice?
would it suck to be Keith Moon's Hi-Hat symbol?
WRONG!
he didn't use a hi-hat symbol you fools!
but it would suck to be him clash :S
always breaking, and flimsy-ing around the place :S
forget it, it's not worth it.
i got so much for this holiday season!
mostly jones soda... actually mostly jones soda. like a lot of jones flippin soda! and t-shirts :)
you know those Wind-A-Flashlights?
the ones you got in your stocking on Christmas (no... Halloween)
those are awesome, i have about three because Regal kept coming out with new models.. .so im proud to say i am a loving owner of all three models... because they went out of business three years after this thrifty invention.
"doing a gay assignment in the gay class called: this one! in the believable deliberance of animal meth and candy necklaces due to a fricken blob of profile paper flamboyant mates and a Jew full of dogs which charges the admission truck of $doo, considerate the watches clock that David killed his pet mink and foiled the potatoe salads in the dining room. not the bedroom which is where his parents: mother, father, and god, decided he would be better off as a homosexual, not that i just said "Hay, Betches! i want to find about 90 handsome, attractive young boys to help me decorate my apartment"...
this person was shot many repeated times with a mini gun, then after the study of gawd zilla was determined, the sounds of the wintry north was implemented as the most psychedelic experience of the 1970's, even more so then the Jimi Hendrix recorder: Purple Side Of The Hazy Wall. founded in 1970's The Purple Side Of The Hazy Wall, the record won pretty much no awards, except the 1971 music's most stupid award of the century, Jimi Hendrix ended his life instead of going to the presentation of the award. instead he stayed in his flat in waterfordloodown and over-indulged himself in shag-power's most famous actor: Goldbender. Jimi ended his life at first sight of the fat gay. Jimi's favorite activities included: drugs, alcoholics, building desks, playing banjo, eating crepes, texting oldsterly guys, snorting plum seeds, binder weaving, and smashing his grandma's fruits on the back porch-railing. escape is the most timely death defying miller with day cooper blah blah.
this class is boring due to the fact that this class SUCKS and i want to go make out with a goat named Franklin in Scotland, Wordsdale. but he has been throwing up a lot lately, and is crying excessively due to the twat named Ryan that is sitting in front. this is my greatest creation. when i go to college to be an insurance broker i am going to hang it on the wall as an inspiration... Joel in grade 11 history class... prooooobably instead of a very important note that Mr. Johnson gave us...
The Fight To Free My Son
The Story Of David Moleguard
Page 1:
A) In the beginning Sgt. Pope created the havens and the turf. He began by peeling back the green twine that spewed from the underbelly of the Turfasaur.
Page 2:
B) Moleguard Found dignity in the frozen wasteland he called "Home-Away-From-Home". until the in-bred Wolfblain clan took over his clump of land, which was next to the Mal-Wart in the downtown sewers.
C) The growth on David's left cheek bone led him to grow increasingly suspicious of the dentist's practices during last week's appointment.
D) Egburt Spitoon burped to sixty then fired his last pistol whip into the side of the deluxe edition Sampson dish.
E) In the side of the fold in his arm, Moosetaw Shoepaw crammed a disease ridden sandwich. unsuspecting the harsh repercussions, his arm evolved into an infection prone finger nucleus.
Page 3:
F) Though deliberately conjoining the white speckle on his right index finger to the brain of a sea-homo, Bridget Fliquley did not expect the intensity of the blue and whorange lip that had grown in the heart of her chest.
G) Damaging the quip, she fries the glad chipping tea stems for a jug of tips he is to present to the wall of pictures in that late evening.
Page 1:
A) In the beginning Sgt. Pope created the havens and the turf. He began by peeling back the green twine that spewed from the underbelly of the Turfasaur.
Page 2:
B) Moleguard Found dignity in the frozen wasteland he called "Home-Away-From-Home". until the in-bred Wolfblain clan took over his clump of land, which was next to the Mal-Wart in the downtown sewers.
C) The growth on David's left cheek bone led him to grow increasingly suspicious of the dentist's practices during last week's appointment.
D) Egburt Spitoon burped to sixty then fired his last pistol whip into the side of the deluxe edition Sampson dish.
E) In the side of the fold in his arm, Moosetaw Shoepaw crammed a disease ridden sandwich. unsuspecting the harsh repercussions, his arm evolved into an infection prone finger nucleus.
Page 3:
F) Though deliberately conjoining the white speckle on his right index finger to the brain of a sea-homo, Bridget Fliquley did not expect the intensity of the blue and whorange lip that had grown in the heart of her chest.
G) Damaging the quip, she fries the glad chipping tea stems for a jug of tips he is to present to the wall of pictures in that late evening.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Special Pancakes
you need weight gained.
you should be a body builder.
my eyes have grown to be overwhelming.
who would have thought you could flush floss down the toilet!
who invented floss!!
OR THE TOILET!!!
who the flip invented water?! it's INSAINE! it's a killer, a life saver, a life preventor! it helps with conception... dont ask
the US should invade the desert and escivate it
imagine how many people are in there! and jewels and... glass
all irish and scottish people need sideburns. they look infectious without them.
i'm growing sideburns just because of my heritage... and a big nose... because im a little big english too..
and i dress nice and wear scarves cus im french.
remember the Q-Ray bracelet? on tv the infomercials?
i used to spend all morning EVERY morning watching infomercials as a child.
i also watched lots of soaps. like passions... sometimes (most times) twice a day.
this is the life of a homeschooler.
do you talk
do you ever find when you are saying something and it`s totally unimportant by the time you finish
its real
sweet silly woman!
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Schrute Family Christmas
Froehliche Weihnachten faithful readers! Many of you have requested I divulge information regarding the Schrute family’s annual Christmas traditions. Initially I thought, what my family does in the privacy of our compound does not concern you, but then I had a change of heart after watching a special Christmas television program with Mose. In the program, a skinny green monster impersonated Santa Claus, broke into the homes of an entire village, and repeatedly committed felony burglary. I realized that this sort of lawless behavior is lauded by our society as exemplifying the “Christmas spirit” and it made me sick. So rather than stand by idly and watch mankind continue to emulate the skinny green Christmas monster, I’ve decided to share my family’s Christmas customs in the hopes that they may serve to exemplify the true meaning of the “Christmas spirit.”
Christmas Eve is a particularly holy night for my family. An Austrian priest, Joseph Mohr, penned a poem exploiting my family’s tradition of the “Silent Night.” As the title suggests, no one is allowed to speak or make any noise, without facing the bitter taste of the switch. The satisfaction we all got when someone accidentally spoke and was switched is still one of the greatest memories of my childhood.
Our Christmas day traditions are pretty mainstream. We wake up early to exchange small, handmade wooden presents and to slaughter our dinner—the Christmas goat. And of course, if a Schrute has been particularly good that year, then Kris Von Kindl fills his stockings with coal, a highly desired source of fuel during long, cold Pennsylvania winters.
And since our Christmas festivities are so much fun, we carry them on for another day, which we call, “Boxing Day.” In between feasting and personal meditation, the day is spent engaging in fierce hand-to-hand combat with our loved ones. Unresolved familial issues that have crept up over the course of the year get settled once and for.
Thus, after three gruelingly delightful days spent internalizing the Christmas virtues (love, obedience, and endurance), our family is ready to ring in the New Year with the true Christmas spirit etched into the musculature of our hearts.
May you and yours have the best of battles this holiday season,
Dwight K. Schrute.
Christmas Eve is a particularly holy night for my family. An Austrian priest, Joseph Mohr, penned a poem exploiting my family’s tradition of the “Silent Night.” As the title suggests, no one is allowed to speak or make any noise, without facing the bitter taste of the switch. The satisfaction we all got when someone accidentally spoke and was switched is still one of the greatest memories of my childhood.
Our Christmas day traditions are pretty mainstream. We wake up early to exchange small, handmade wooden presents and to slaughter our dinner—the Christmas goat. And of course, if a Schrute has been particularly good that year, then Kris Von Kindl fills his stockings with coal, a highly desired source of fuel during long, cold Pennsylvania winters.
And since our Christmas festivities are so much fun, we carry them on for another day, which we call, “Boxing Day.” In between feasting and personal meditation, the day is spent engaging in fierce hand-to-hand combat with our loved ones. Unresolved familial issues that have crept up over the course of the year get settled once and for.
Thus, after three gruelingly delightful days spent internalizing the Christmas virtues (love, obedience, and endurance), our family is ready to ring in the New Year with the true Christmas spirit etched into the musculature of our hearts.
May you and yours have the best of battles this holiday season,
Dwight K. Schrute.
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