hold up, wait a minute, my bread is just coming out of the oven!

what does "nothing to write home about" mean!?
in the olden days did war soldiers write home about EVERY good thing that EVER happened to them?
if i was in the war i would just make stuff up:

"i had lunch with Hitler this morning"
"i think i watched a chicken without a head... but it might have been a dead guy."
"i got stabbed"
"my stab wound is now better"
"my stab wound got cut back open while i was playing water polo... i mean... practicing stabbing potato sacks"
"i am married?"
"i am not widowed"
"my kids have grown beards and are calling themselves punks?"
"my kids just took over the military camp"
"we mutinied and cut off my kid's beards"
"we can now feed the war-cattle"

wouldn't it be cool to BE a NAIL in a FIRE?!
you'd be in there, all hot and what NOT
and you'd be laughing at the un-cool fir, because the fire can't melt you :)
that would make my day

what does make my day mean?

how did they discover yeast?
did they just throw it into a fire and it ROaSE?

don't you love looking at people in restaurants who are with an awkward dude, and they look like they are about to hear bad news because it is THAT awkward? hahahaah ahhhhh

why do people put little stuffed pets in their car windows...
were they, at one point, real pets?
or are they just sick people who like to torture other people with their fetishes

i hate names with "ie" or "Y" at the end!
it sounds so... un-masculine...
i just say: kellicus..
i add "icus" of "cus" or "bus" to the end... to make me sound supperior :)

something about a back burner

you know when you laugh... but you really don't care what it is you are laughing at, so it's like a really sharp exhale... through your nose...
i hate that

how is it that when an old person snaps their fingers, young people always leave the room... or stop making noise? like when the geezer is on the phone... and a kid walks in screaming at a little plant in a cup.
the olderly person just snaps their fingers and jumps really quickly.... the kid just stops... i don't get it

how big does cabbage grow?

i recently was "in the ZONE!"
i was playing guitar hero 3!
and suddenly, everything just went SUPER slow!
it was totally indescribable!
i got like 98% on "the Devil Went Down To Georgia" when i was IN THE ZONE!!!

i also am starting the trend of wearing slippers to skewl