New Years

so some people start off their years with new years resolutions.... but today is not new years.
i want to make a few random resolutions. im not expecting pity and such. im just here, writing, because i see some things in myself that are very bad things to be doing.
here:
-talk less. some things i say are pointless, and quite frankly, stupid.
-speak louder. i mutter and stutter. this is due to a lack of confidence. i need to realize what i can offer people.
-stop swearing. it's quite childish and there really is no need. there is also a chance that it offends people, and i would rather not be that typical Offend random old ladies on the street, or teach children bad words- guy.
-some of my friends have major issues. i tend to listen to them and let them vent. i suggest (to myself) that i don't let this effect me. there's a difference between being there for someone and giving them advice, and getting involved and getting hurt just out of sympathy, or often Empathy.
-improve the way i treat people... or use people. and take advantage of them. it's wrong, and i need to be independent. i need a job, so i can support MYSELF!
-BUY PEOPLE STUFF! starting next year.... because i have no job... but i mean in reference to birthday and Christmas presents... it's not cool that i can receive them and not have the care to give them.. believe it or not i hate myself for it.
-stop being so cocky. i noticed today, whilst sleeping in class, that i am a fairly rude person... i noticed today that when a person that is standing in the hall says hi to me, i just say hey and keep walking.... don't people normally stop and talk for a minute or two? i mean, i'm not saying I'm doing a bad thing... but it starts there... the little things. if i stopped to talk to more people when i can, i think it would help with my being cocky.
-i'd like to be more of a people kind of guy. i have noticed that im not usually the person that people notice very well. maybe im not approachable. maybe i need to smile more, you know? stop crossing my arms all the time, not get so caught up in my appearance! it's hard though. i wish i had a solution.
-I'd like to be "a brand new man." have you ever been that? like you go to work, or go to school one day, and you're just totally different? that would be a nice change from my norm.
-I've been called many things in my life... such as "Mooch." of all the hateful words ever, that was the one i dislike the most. I have noticed all this in myself... i truly am a mooch... and i know it. it's one thing to change when you are aware that you do something, and you are aware that it is bad, but it's another to CATCH yourself in the act and stop yourself before you do. I sometimes wonder if i was spoiled as a child. if this is the reason that i rely on other people for my material needs. then i just think "no, it's because I'm lazy." it has nothing to do with anything else. example: i make people buy me lunch. today i made my good friend use her birthday money to buy me candy. how terrible is that! i mean, i know I'd like to buy it myself... but the truth is that i don't even need candy... i think it's just a self conscientious way of making myself noticed. i think i need people to buy me stuff so they will pay attention to me. you should know i would much rather buy these things myself! i think the best resolution for me from this point on would be to either buy myself these thing, not buy these things at all because i don't need them. i can also work on this by bringing a lunch. i mean, my mom tries to buy me stuff for lunches... why don't i take advantage of this! i need to start fending for myself. I'm going into the real world soon. it's scary.
so here it is. the new joel porteous. it will be hard, i may backslide, but if i believe in myself i think i can do it. i think i can be a better person. all i need is confidence in myself. confidence in God.