if i had a child i would name it: Nice
"be nice" literally
it would be like `hello, im nice`
do this: go up to an old lady on the side of the street. don`t look all scary... it will scare her away.
now ask her this question (pretrend your five so shesays yes): will you carry my grocery bags across the road for me. if she says yes then you are on board, walk across the road like you mean it. throw in a limp or two so the people in cars dont think your a bastard. then when you get to the beginning of the side walk and you take your bags back, hold out your hand like you expect money... if they are a true old person and are as senile as they look, they should give YOU money for carrying your bags acrpss the road... this is a quick and easy way to earn a quick buck if you are on your way to the convenience store for a pipe to smoke your dope with.
*NOTE: the older the lady the more the money, she could be blind and give you like a $500 bill... depends...
*If you feel confident in your talent, you can experiment on old GUYs as well. they will be tougher NO DOUBT! because men are smarter than women in the first place., they MAY catch on, so be smarty about it!
*One downer about old men though: they look older than they are... because they die sooner than women... so a 90 year old lady could look like a 70 year olf man... try and find a man that really IS 90 years old if you`re going to punk him like this.
ANOTHER NOTE: men are stronger... juuuuust a tip. from experienced
Fun fairs are not fun. i dont even see how little kids like them... im going to invent a fair that`s called Unfun fair... this way it will be fun...
though i will probably attract a lot of freaky and very dark people.
i just wouldn`t work there. id get some cheery people on morphine to do it.
Its fair to assume everyone in the world has been spanked more by their father than mother right... i mean getting spanked by your dad would be about the 50% mark... im just assuming the rest of the world is like me... unless you live in one of those goody-two-shoes homes that are against spankadelic foundations. you people make me sick!
*off topic: when i told my mom and dad that there was a law against spanking young (and beatiful, charming, always lighting up the room when they walked in) children, they laughed at me... thats right. my parents laughed at me when i said `HEY non of this now yah hear!` they laughed.**
anyways, yeah i have always studied the art of spanking... not like PeteTownshend (rock and roll LEGEND)... i dont go on those creepy web sites. but i have noticed a few things:
1. dads spank harder than mothers.
2. mothers (for some reason) like to spank more often.
3. mothers like to do it more than once a day... dads prefer it to be a 6 times a week MAXimum...
4. grandpas actually care when they are hurting you. my grandpa was the only one to eveer say to me `this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you`, i know weve all heard it before...
5. to make up for their lack of strength mothers like to use weapons.
6. fathers will take off their own belt to beat you with... mothers tend to use something else *ANYTHING else... something they find lying around the house.
i would get creative... i could use a frying pan... or the kettle... or an extention chord.... something that makes noise... like a guitar (Pete Townshend again)... or a tamborine...
My family use to have this thing in the kitchen... right beside the dinner table we had a book shelf about 6 inches from the wall so we could hide stuff in there... like brooms and such...
well, that`s not all that was in there... my mother was vicious... she never spanked the kids but my dad did... she enjoyed being there to comfort us when we ran away from dad... but she had this `belt`that hung on the side of this book shelf. it was REALLY beat (pun) up, with rips and stuff missing. it was a disaster... it was a double wide belt too... two sets of holes! with studs the whole way down. vicious... vicious!
so my family got in trouble a lot im not going to lie... so all 4 of us terribly bad kids were in a line, ready to be spanked.. dad was sitting in the kitchen at the table with this brutal white belt... Isaac was first... as usual. (he who prevails in sports, prevails in being first to be beaten) i was last... lydia and aaron were somewhere in the middle... i dont really care. so afterwards isaac ran away, to our room or something... aaron ran away (probably farther that isaac because he had longer legs) lydia just stood at the sink and cried after, because she isn`t fast... she probably figured dad would come chasing after her or something... as if he wanted to do that! he would only have one more spanking left for this week. had to save that one...
then it was my turn... now this wasnt a special spanking or anything... i mean... i WAS the smallest... and of course i DID get the least whips... i just find it funny because... there were four of us... and one of dad... why did we not run away... instead we just stood there in a line like a bunch of piddly morons.
oh well
for the record; when my dad left, my grandpa took over the role of punisher... some things you just like to get two different takes on you know.. this makes me an expert.
wow i just talked about the STUPIDEST things for the half an hour of typing i just did! what a waste of time!
if anyone needs some excellent jamming material, look up Franz Ferdinands new cd Blood... it`s a remix of their cd: Tonight.
which is also a classic. you can jam fricken anything to that!
most of the songs are in the key of A... and one is in B... another is G.... have fun
heres a good way to waste money: go out your door, take a bus to the local car rental place, get a car, drive, to my hoouse, and give it to me. you could waste $300 easily! im serious! if you dont believe me try it!
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